Should you be choosing your career over relationship?



My relationship has had its tolerance tested over the past two years, between distance, time difference and respective commitments, sometimes you are faced with life getting in the way. Trust me, it has happened to me more than enough times.


The difference between my mindset now regarding relationships and my mindset when I was younger (in high school per say) is my determination to work through problems rather than throwing it all away when faced with an obstacle. Love and relationships are not qualities awarded to us by the infinite wisdom of the cosmos. Love has to be earned. It has to be worked on and it has to be maintained. Sure, infatuation hits like a ton of bricks and can seem like it’ll go on forever, but as couples spend more time together they both need to work at their relationship as it matures and evolves.


The unfortunate but unavoidable truth is that modern living does little to make living with and loving someone any easier. The constraints of the economy mean that most of us are working longer hours than ever, putting in more effort in our work, side hustles and hobbies than ever and ascending the career ladder seems more untenable than ever for today’s bright young professionals when every opportunity seems to come with an unprecedented plethora of competition.


Like your job… Love your partner

In the face of this, it can be difficult to achieve harmony between domestic bliss in your relationship and success in your career. Sometimes you career can throw roadblocks up in your relationship which can be tricky to navigate. It can rob you of the amount of time you have to spend together in the working day, impinge on your weekend or even cause one of you to move away. As always- London has a huge array of jobs available and you don’t want to create resentment by inhibiting your loved one’s career. Finding the balance can be difficult and, like anything else worth having, it requires work and patience. Nonetheless, not only is maintaining your relationship important, there’s even evidence to suggest that people in relationships can be better for your career.


Focus on quality of time together not quantity

If you try to divide your time and effort to your career and your relationship on a 50/50 split you’ll always find that you’re playing catch up in one or the other. Instead, resign yourself to the fact that you may not have as much time together as you’d like but resolve to make that time count.


Be present when with your partner

How many times have you been sitting on the couch with your partner scrolling through your Instagram feed while they’re telling you about a funny thing that happened on the train? We’ve all done it and it’s one of the caveats of living in the digital age. However, if you’re to make this work you need to be present in every sense when you spend time with your partner. You don’t have to check in to fancy hotels or dine in expensive restaurants to spend quality time together, but you do need to give your partner all of your love and attention.


My boyfriend loves music, he's into singing and playing his guitar (check him out on Instagram: www.instagram.com/chrisfrancis.music). While it isn't 'my' thing, I love being his little groupie. Throughout the months I have tried my absolute best to work alongside his passion, and even bought him a few things to let him know I am there for him in fighting for a dream of his. 


But make time for yourself too

Finally, it’s important to take some time for yourself to do the things that you enjoy and that bring you fulfilment. A little solitude can be good to help you order your thoughts and centre yourself. That way when your partner sees you, they get the best of you. 


On a good day, my mind is running at the speed of 100 mph, with about 7 different projects in mind. My boyfriend has been supportive, and although design and lifestyle does not interest him in anyway, he listens to what I have to say about my ideas and offers opinions. While he doesn't always have an idea what I am on about, his interest means a lot to me.